I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
