Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
