i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
