Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
