I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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