I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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