Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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