I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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