You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
