We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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