the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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