Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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