loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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