Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Of course I have a pirate flag
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
