Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
