they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
