i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
