P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
