Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
PANTIES FOUND
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
