Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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