you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm bleeding and have questions
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
