Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
