you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
