I wish I could teleport
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
