Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
