Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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