TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
