I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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