Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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