I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
