Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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