she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She said her name was "party"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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