My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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