News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
