I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
