Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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