i was born a porn star she said
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
