That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
