i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
birth control should be required to get into college
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I don't deserve a penis
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
