hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
