I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
