Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
