Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
How does one acquire holy water?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
