when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
