sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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