he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
