just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you told grandpa to call you daddy
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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