And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
