You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
