Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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